Today was a big day—my first chemotherapy session and a visit to the cardiologist. Melissa picked me up, and we arrived at Mayo with time to spare. I was relieved to have her with me. She always brings me comfort with her humor and “Cray-Cray” antics, but today I was more in my head. While she worked, I spaced out, trying to mentally prepare myself.
We headed to the 3rd floor, where the nurse took my weight and blood pressure—no surprise, my BP was elevated again. I’ve been on edge the entire time, so no wonder. I really need to get my BP under control; it’s the last thing I need to deal with during chemo.
The cardiologist, Dr. Ray, went over my heart condition. He showed me a video comparison of my heart and a normal one. Surprisingly, he wasn’t too concerned about the Noncompaction Syndrome diagnosis but wanted to get additional views using an MRI. He explained that this would help monitor any potential damage from chemo down the road. One tiny relief in the sea of unknowns.
After that appointment, we had a couple of hours to kill. Melissa found a cozy spot to work, and while she was focused, I tried to write in The Tainted Titty blog. Yes, that’s the official name of this blog moving forward. Still, my mind kept wandering. I’m scared and keep wondering if my 50-year-old body can really handle all of this. Then I remind myself—so many women, much older than me, survive breast cancer. But I keep coming back to the thought of losing my hair, my eyebrows. I tell myself I don’t care about hair loss because it doesn’t define me, but I guess deep down, it does. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be thinking about it so much.
As chemo time neared, I checked in and waited…and waited. Nearly an hour passed, and I wondered if something was wrong. Then I remembered: after checking in, they prepare the meds specifically for me. When they finally called my name, my heart practically thumped out of my chest. My BP was still high—of course. Nerves, anxiety—it all makes sense. We were taken to my private room, #42, where I met my nurse for the day, Sharon.
Sharon went over everything thoroughly—explaining each pre-med and chemo med I’d be receiving. She didn’t miss a single detail. The process started, and two moments really stood out. First was the Benadryl—one of the pre-meds. It was so strong, I felt like I was in a club! My words slurred, and I couldn’t quite keep up with the conversation. I think I even drifted off because I don’t remember much of the movie that was playing.
The second standout moment was when they administered the PACLitaxeL (Taxol). Sharon gave it to me slowly to watch for any reactions. Luckily, I didn’t have any, but they had to take my BP every 15 minutes just to be sure. But the worst part? The cold therapy mittens and socks. PACLitaxeL can cause neuropathy, so I had to wear these freezing cold mittens and socks to protect my hands and feet. The socks were tolerable, maybe because I wore an extra pair of socks underneath, but the mittens? Torture. Sharon kept asking about any reactions, but all I could focus on was how painfully cold my hands were. I couldn’t wait for that hour to be over.
The third and final med took only 30 minutes, and thankfully, no cold therapy was required. By then, Melissa had left, and Karen arrived to take over. It was good to see her and catch her up on everything. At 5:30 p.m., we were finally done. We took the scenic route home to avoid the interstate, and the rain was a welcome relief. Driving in traffic raises my stress levels, and after today, I needed the peace.
Today marked the start of my treatment journey. It wasn’t easy, but it’s the beginning of healing. I’ll take it one day at a time.
