Healing and Hustling with Zandra

Then came the waiting. Two long days of checking the patient portal and trying to distract myself with work. When the alert finally came (August 7), I hesitated but then opened it. My mom stood over my shoulder, reading along with me. The report was filled with medical terms and numbers I didn’t understand, but I did see the words “lymph node” and “benign” in the same sentence, which gave me a moment of relief.

But then I read the words “right breast” and “invasive carcinoma Nottingham grade 3.” I wasn’t sure what it meant, so I did what anyone in my situation would do—I Googled it. That’s when the reality hit: I had breast cancer.

I hadn’t even spoken to my doctor yet, though I had already received a date for a consultation before the results were posted. It left me wondering—did they already know? Was surgery always going to be on the table?

The Call That Confirmed Everything

On August 8, my doctor called. “I know you saw your results,” she said, and the gravity of the situation became even more real. She told me it would feel like a long road ahead, and she was right as I already felt like I wasn’t in my body and being pushed at a high speed down a winding road.  Like a scene from a movie. She encouraged me to keep my appointment with the Psych doctor and to be honest about how I was feeling—especially regarding anxiety and insomnia.

“Stay calm,” she advised, reminding me to keep my blood pressure and anxiety in check. She also mentioned that my consultation would likely be moved up to within the next week.

And so, I’m preparing myself for what’s to come. It’s hard not knowing exactly what’s ahead, but I’m taking things one step at a time, leaning on my support system, and trying to stay as calm as I can.